Dear Avery,
Today was a little rough, but feeling you in my belly made it all better. Your dad left on a business trip to NYC this morning and I already miss him a lot. I don't like that he had to go, but I keep reminding myself that it is only for a couple of days. Friday couldn't come soon enough!
I had an appointment with Dr. Link, my normal OB, after work today. We listened for your heartbeat and talked about everything that we have found out about you so far. Dr. Link shared with me that his youngest son was not thought to be compatible with life, so he understood all that we were dealing with at the moment. He offered to speak with anyone who might be pressuring us to terminate the pregnancy to help them understand why we are choosing to carry you to term. Fortunately, this is not an issue that we have at all. Everyone close to us wants to give you every chance possible so that they can meet you too. I will never regret giving you a chance baby girl--no matter what happens.
Dr. Link confirmed that my physical health was exactly where it should be at this point. He was happy with my weight and blood pressure and doesn't think I should have any prenatal issues with regard to my physical health. He assured me that all of my crazy emotions are normal and that it is okay to weep for you. He asked if your dad and I had been talking to anyone about your struggles. I told him that we have a wonderful support system of family and friends who have been great from day one. He suggested a support group at the hospital that he thought we might benefit from. I told him that we were open to it, so he is going to contact them on our behalf. I think it will be nice to meet other people who have walked in our shoes and can really relate to this journey we are on.
I have been overwhelmed by the love and generosity we have been shown by those around us. We have been blessed with countless cards, emails, texts, hugs, kisses, pats on the back, reassuring smiles--you name it--we have been shown so much compassion. I received a beautiful card and generous gift this morning from a coworker who is fighting his own battle at the moment. His son was diagnosed with Leukemia two months ago and has been undergoing vigorous treatment ever since. His beautiful note was so touching that it moved me to tears. It is amazing how much someones words can warm your heart.
I am scared that people will worry about how they should act around us. So many of our friends are expecting little miracles of their own (one little bundle of joy, Alex, came last night) and we are so ridiculously happy for them. I don't ever want people to tiptoe around the joy that they have for their children because they are worried about upsetting us. It will be extremely hard if you are not able to make it, but what a blessing it will be to always have these children of the same age to help us remember you. In some ways, you would be able to live on through your friends. You will always be my baby, whether on earth or in heaven, and I could never hide the love that I have for you. I would never expect anybody else to do the same.
I found a wonderful website today called My Very Own Angel. It is specifically for parents who choose to carry to term despite a poor or potentially fatal diagnosis. It is nice to know that there are other people out there who understand what we are going through. The link is: http://myveryownangel.org/index.php. MVOA gives advice on all sorts of things that I may not have thought about on my own. It also offers advice for people so that they know how to act around us. I don't agree with all of it, (I hope that people continue to pray for a miracle and I don't associate flowers with death) but overall they have some wonderful advice.
You will always be my angel,
Mom
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