Friday, February 3, 2012

Fun day with a few tears

Dear Avery,

     Overall, today was a good day.  It was student appreciation day at work, so we got to be silly and have fun all day.  The sun is out again and it feels like a beautiful spring day, even though it is the third day of February.  I had a little breakdown later on, but I didn't let it ruin my day.

     My class got all of their tests out of the way first thing this morning and we spent the rest of our time watching movies, going to magic shows, and playing in volleyball games.  I had to sit this years volleyball game out since I am not quite agile enough to pull my weight on the faculty team these days.  I did, however, join the faculty cheerleading squad. The fourth grade hairstylists fixed us all up for the game and I came sporting a high side ponytail with a green and white polka dot bow (Ann's crimped hair took the cake!)  I didn't last through many cheers and ended up sitting to take in the rest of the game, but it was fun nonetheless   

     I talked to Mimi on my way home from school, and she told me that she was getting a pedicure after work.  I thought that sounded like a wonderful idea, so I pulled into a nail salon in Plainview on a whim.  The ladies there were really nice and it may have been the best pedicure that I have had in Louisville.  She massaged my swollen feet for a REALLY long time and it was amazing! 

     My little breakdown came while I was at the nail salon.  I have gotten really good at talking to strangers about you without getting upset, but there is one question that keeps popping up that I simply can't handle.  Now that I am so big, people have started to ask if I am just ready to "get it over with and be done."   There is no way to answer this without either lying or getting into a deep conversation.  The answer is no, I am not ready at all.  I would carry you forever if I knew that you would be safe and happy.  No because even though I am getting uncomfortable, "getting it over with" means that I would be wishing away my time with you.  No because as much I want to see your beautiful face and hold you in my arms, I am not ready to say goodbye. No because I want my time with you to last forever. 

     The ladies were extremely compassionate and I knew that they meant no harm, but some things just sting a little more than others.   Even though I got upset, I love having the oppurtunity to share your story.  Every new person to know you is another person to lift you up in their thoughts and prayers, and that makes the tears worthwhile. 

      I am still sticking to my resolution to show you happy times while you are with us.  I refuse to dwell on the sadness when there is so much that we have to be thankful for.  Your dad and I are going to dinner and bowling (I will stick to keeping score) with some friends from his old job tonight.  We are getting maternity pictures done in the morning and I am ecstatic!  I am so thankful that Courtney Ellis (of Courtney Ellis Photography) made the selfless decision to volunteer for the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization.  I am so grateful for this opportunity to document your time with us.  I love you so much sweet girl and I want to remember absolutely everything about your life.  You are so special sweet pea and I am honored to be your mom.

                                                                          All of my love,

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