Monday, February 27, 2012

I visited you today

Dear Avery,
     I went to the cemetery to see you today.  It was the first time that I have been since your funeral one week ago.  Your dad went back to work today, so he was not home to go with me.  I was nervous to go by myself, but I felt really guilty that I have not been to see you yet.  I really enjoyed our time alone today and I am so glad that I decided to go.
    Your tiny grave it still covered in red clay.  It will be a long time before grass can grow over the spot where you lay.  It feels like it has been so long since I had you--since I held you in my arms and heard your tiny cry.  It seems so distant that we watched them lower your little casket in the ground.  The fresh red clay is such a concrete reminder of how fresh this wound really is.  A week and a half ago I was in the hospital giving birth to you and now you are gone.  It is still hard to wrap my head around the fact that you are no longer with me.  It is like time is flying by and standing still all at the same time.  I miss you so much.
     Every time the sun is out it makes me think of you.  Everything makes me think of you, but something about the warmth of the sun makes me feel like you are with me.  The sun was shining directly on your grave today sweet baby.  It was warm and beautiful outside while I visited with you.  I laid down beside your grave and soaked up the rays while I talked to you.  I really felt like you were there in the in the brightness letting me know that you are okay.  Thank you for watching over me Princess. 

                                                      I love you so very much,