Sunday, September 30, 2012

Dear Avery, 
      We have been very busy since the last time that I posted. It's hard to believe how quickly time is passing and that I am already 18 weeks pregnant with your little brother or sister. 

     This is the point in your pregnancy that we learned about your condition.  We had two solid days of believing you would live with no other issues than being little.  We researched everything that goes along with raising a little person.  We discussed how we could adapt our house, found a boutique to buy you clothing, and vowed that you would have an amazing childhood with nothing to hold you back.  Two days later your diagnosis turned grim, and we first entertained the idea that you would most likely not be coming home with us from the hospital.

     My anatomy scan for your little brother or sister is coming up in 10 short days and it is weighing very heavily on me.  I know in my head that your little sibling should be healthy, but I feel like we are just counting down the hours until we are handed another death sentence.  I don't think that I could survive that again.  I have been working on organizing all of your things into a memory box this weekend which has been an emotional task.  Your little pink and purple blanket that we wrapped you in after your bath still smells just like you did.  I hope that smell never fades. 

     Your dad and I registered today at Babies R Us.  I haven't been able to go in that store since you died. I had set up our registry online before we went in, and there was a box asking if this is your first child.  I checked and unchecked it several times, but ended up leaving it checked when I submitted.  That has been bothering me a lot.  I never deny you under any circumstances, and this didn't give me the option to explain.  I needed another box to tell them that we actually have another child, but this is our first time registering for baby stuff so we might need help. It was an overwhelming experience to say the least, but I am so glad that we went.

     I am off work for Fall Break at the end of this week, so I am going home to see all of your Florida Family over the weekend.  I am soooooo excited to  see everyone--it has been a long time since I have been able to get home!  It worked out perfectly that this is the weekend of Granny's family reunion, so I will get to see the whole crew.

      I love you so much Princess.  Thank you for continuing to watch over and protect our growing family.

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