Nervous...

Dear Avery,

       Tomorrow is the next time that we get to see your beautiful face, and I could not be more terrified.  I have been on the verge of a panic attack all day long and finally had a meltdown once I got home.  I am so scared of the answers that we may or may not get tomorrow morning.  I want to know everything, but I also want to go on believing that you are going to make it.  I keep telling myself that this is all a dream and we are going to be miraculously healed, but I know that is not realistic. 

        I am hoping and praying with all of my might that your chest is growing and that you do not have the thanatophoric type of dysplasia. I don't care if you are different or special by society's standards, I just want the opportunity to be your mom.  You are perfect just the way you are, now we just need your body to cooperate.  I love you so much baby girl and I need you to survive--I need you in my life.  I want so badly to decorate your nursery and fill it with all sorts of girly goodness.  I want to celebrate your growth and not worry about your lungs developing in the coming weeks.  I want to know that I get to have you here on earth and it is killing me that no one can tell me if that will happen.

      Your daddy is picking Mimi up at the airport right now.  I am so glad that she is going to be here with us in the morning.  I want her to be able to see you and know you like we already do.  Your Yay-yay and G-daddy are coming to see you too.  There are so many people who love you Avery.

                                                                   See you in the morning,
                                                                                         Mom