Cold Kentucky Rain

Dear Avery,

     Daddy, Tucker, and I finally made it back from Florida around 7:30 last night.  Our windshield wipers stayed on for the entire trip and the rain hasn't let up yet.  This gloomy weather is kind of getting me down in the dumps.  It was really hard to leave Mimi and Papa's house yesterday morning.  We all cried in the kitchen when it was time to go.  I barely cried at all while we were in Florida.  There is something about he warm Florida sunshine that just cheers you up and gives you hope.  This cold Kentucky rain has got to go!

     Your doctor's office gave us two upcoming appointment cards at your last appointment.  We have left them stacked on the kitchen counter since then.  For some reason, I picked them up to look at them this morning and noticed that one card said our next visit was on the 9th and the other said that it was on the 7th.  We had thought that it would be the 9th all along, because that is the card that was on the top. I immediately called your doctor to see what they had written down, and they had you coming in on the 7th with no other availability all week.  I panicked because Mimi doesn't get in until the night of the 7th, so she would miss your appointment altogether.  The sweet receptionist ended up calling and asking someone to switch with us, so we are going on the 8th now instead--after Mimi is here.  Even though it all worked out in the end, the morning started out with a lot of tears.

     I had a hard time finding your heartbeat today and I was convinced that you were gone.  After what felt like hours of searching, I finally found the familiar "wish-wash" of your little heart.  I am getting more and more paranoid when I do not feel a lot of movement from you. I don't mean to, but my mind always jumps to the worst case scenario.  I don't know what I would ever do if that was a reality.  I pray to God everyday that it will never be a reality.  I need to see you again to know that you are alright.  I am terrified of what else they will tell us and I want so bad to hear that everything is starting to grow how it should.  Please keep growing baby girl!

     I have to take a group of middle schoolers to a conference Thursday through Saturday.  I would normally be excited to do something like this, but I am really sad about leaving your dad for two nights.  We haven't been apart since we learned about your health issues and I don't know how strong I will be without him.  He is the voice of reason to calm me down when I worry too much.  You have a great dad Avery.  He loves us both a lot.

                                                       I love you bunches,
                                                                         Mom